I have finally reached a sort of compromise with the school while we wait for the IEP meeting. My daughter will receive her spelling words and homework packet on Fridays and they will be due Friday. She also receives a list of shorter, kindergarten words. (So they can change the actual words to different ones but can't reduce them without a meeting.......lol).
Anyway I have finally just flat out told them if she can't do it she can't do it end of story. I have begun journaling her daily behaviors, I have made a sticker chart that has been working (although Piper can't read the chart so i am going to develop one made out of pictures for her ), and I have included another chart for amount of time spent on homework spelling words a day that I put right in her communication book.
I had made a communication book with emoticons where the teacher could simply check off Piper's mood as she completed the tasks each day and they said it was too complicated. Which I find amusing because all they do not is check mark whether or not she did the task. Anyway, so it is back to the drawing board on the communication book.
Another set back is Piper's recent unusual behavior which has included whispering to herself daily, especially at night, repeating her name over and over again, chewing on her sleeves (she's always done that but it seemed like it has stopped for a while), and licking EVERYTHING. She was even licking the windows of my dad's new car.
Because she gets her medication at night a little later now I think that might contribute to the behaviors from last night. She came out of the hallway of the boys and girls club going "Piper Piper Piper Piper Piper Piper" she had to touch everything, including glass picture frames that I had to stop her or they would have broken, and it was difficult to not only get her to get her coat, but to get it on her because she kept missing the sleeve and spinning around. Piper has always displayed these behaviors but not as often as this and the medication has kept them within reason. I am beginning to worry that the medication is making her worse (in the sense that if she were to stop taking it she would be WORSE, even though now it helps control her symptoms).
I really want to stop the medication and let it flush out of her system and then really get an idea of what she is really like without it because some of the stuff is getting weird. She even has talked to herself in the third person, but was serious. She had a temper tantrum when she asked for 3 hot dogs and I JOKINGLY told her she could only have a half of hot dog.
I really want to stop the medication before it does more damage and /or at the very least see what her behaviors are without it. The medication doesn't seem to be working as well anyway probably because she is growing and the dosage stays the same.
I wish I knew what to do..................If it weren't for the school i would wean her off the meds just to get an accurate picture of her without them before putting her back on them. She has been on medication since she was 4. (not my choice my parents did that when she lived with them ).
I could really use some advice right now. Is this behavior normal for a 7 year old? Maybe I am just paranoid...She definitely is Dyslexic, has ADHD, and has mood issues, she also went to an OT therapist and they said it seemed clear she does have sensory issues (and this is ON THE MEDS).
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Dyslexia and Dyscalculia
My daughter's struggles with reading and writing are now overlapping with her math. She is able to do simple math by using her fingers or other objects to count on (obviously this is fine for kids that age). Her numbers are written backwards, transposed, and read from right to left.
With her letters, it is inconsistent with regard to writing the letters backwards or the words from right to left. With her numbers if they are two digits she always writes them from right to left. "18" she writes as "81". If she sees "18" she will read "81". If it were once in a while I would not be that concerned. It is basically always. If she is given a multiple choice question with the right number on a list and she writes the number by copying it, then she will write it correctly.
When she was evaluated for Dyslexia she was also evaluated for overall intelligence. It was a neuropsychological evaluation that included Dyslexia. These tests also showed weaknesses in math. I have been focusing so much on the reading and spelling that I didn't really pay much attention to this area.
This poor little girl is having such a hard time and is at a early kindergarten level in everything. Although, socially, she is seeming to develop some social skills and interact with kids her age more then before.
With all the different overlapping diagnoses such as autism, ADHD, mood disorders, sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, (and now the thought of Dyscalculia, which is the Dyslexic equivalent to math.... etc etc I wish that I could really know for sure what is going on here.
All I know is that she is a really sweet little girl and every day is really opening up with talking and expressing herself. She still has her outbursts, and tantrums, and is very difficult to get her to follow instructions, but she really is an awesome kid.
Her big sister scored the opposite on all her testing. She scored very high in the superior range on mostly everything or high average. Although attention was seriously lacking. If she had been able to maintain attention she probably could have scored higher. Maybe she will help with my other daughter:)
With her letters, it is inconsistent with regard to writing the letters backwards or the words from right to left. With her numbers if they are two digits she always writes them from right to left. "18" she writes as "81". If she sees "18" she will read "81". If it were once in a while I would not be that concerned. It is basically always. If she is given a multiple choice question with the right number on a list and she writes the number by copying it, then she will write it correctly.
When she was evaluated for Dyslexia she was also evaluated for overall intelligence. It was a neuropsychological evaluation that included Dyslexia. These tests also showed weaknesses in math. I have been focusing so much on the reading and spelling that I didn't really pay much attention to this area.
This poor little girl is having such a hard time and is at a early kindergarten level in everything. Although, socially, she is seeming to develop some social skills and interact with kids her age more then before.
With all the different overlapping diagnoses such as autism, ADHD, mood disorders, sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, (and now the thought of Dyscalculia, which is the Dyslexic equivalent to math.... etc etc I wish that I could really know for sure what is going on here.
All I know is that she is a really sweet little girl and every day is really opening up with talking and expressing herself. She still has her outbursts, and tantrums, and is very difficult to get her to follow instructions, but she really is an awesome kid.
Her big sister scored the opposite on all her testing. She scored very high in the superior range on mostly everything or high average. Although attention was seriously lacking. If she had been able to maintain attention she probably could have scored higher. Maybe she will help with my other daughter:)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Difficulty Managing Emotions
I think that everyone has certain expectations of the people around them that aren't always met. For me it is the expectation that people will notice that I am tired, frustrated, or hurting. The fact that they don't notice makes me feel even more tired, frustrated, and hurt.
I am currently in a place where it is hard not to think that that person is doing that delibratley to hurt me and make my life more miserable. I feel like I express myself clearly and let people know what I need from them and my personal boundaries are.
One of my things is I absolutely hate noise. You would think that with a million kids and a lot of foot traffic around the house that I would be accustomed to it by now...but I hate it. Everyday I think that me getting upset about too much noise the day before would make people realize how much I hate it and they'd stop. I know that I am being unreasonable to expect a quiet, calm, home with even non-"hyper" children.
I am woken up multiple times every night by people walking around, cooking, talking, this is only increasing my irritability. I feel like I want to burst out of my body and just scream at everyone to shut the hell up, except I do that, and it still doesn't work.
I guess what I am saying is that I work my ass off to make sure that we have food, and the rent is paid, and my kids get the education that is rightfully theirs, and the millions of trips to doctors for help for them. I just want to feel like I have a purpose in life and that someone notices how hard I try to juggle everything. It really is just too much for me to be perfect at everything all at once. I guess I am the hardest on myself because i want everything to be perfect in every aspect of my life (who doesn't).
I get criticized by people that don't know my kids or the struggles I face every day, People who dropping $200 on a coat is no big thing, or having a car that runs and having the money to maintain it, or being able to keep their houses perfect and spotless. Every day I am glad I get through it. I ask for help from my mom on ocassion for babysitting or something similar, and the minute I do my mom makes a comment indicating because I am asking for her help that I am inferior as a mother.
I remember my whole life my mother was extremely critical of me. Every second of the day. I try to not fall into that trap. Although I do have my beliefs that children should not be so stuck on herself. My oldest daughter has been taught that if I can't drop everything to go bring her the homework she forgot that that really means I don't love her and I hope she doesn't succeed. She gives me an attitude if I don't have a $1.00 to put in a vending machine. Like, why don't you? I try to teach her that family is more important then things. She is such a beautiful, awesome kid that it really breaks my heart to see her turning into something I don't recognize. I try to tell her otherwise but then she's been so poisoned it is difficult. If someone can just spend all this money on her and I can't that means that I don't care about her. I get stuff from charities like food, and christmas presents, and she knows that, and she will ask "did you buy this or did you get it for free?" Because if I get it for free it is meaningless to her. Even though I went out of my way to find it for her or sign up for the programs it is not enough if I didn't personally spend the money on it.
This stuff is eating me alive. All I want is to be valued and appreciated and I am sorry if that sounds selfish but seriously what human being doesn't want that? No one is going to feel that way every day, especially not by children who don't understand that life is different for other kids.
Anyway, I needed to vent, because if I didn't this anger and resentment would've built up. whether I have a "right" to be angry or resentful or not these feelings are still here, and must be released.
I am currently in a place where it is hard not to think that that person is doing that delibratley to hurt me and make my life more miserable. I feel like I express myself clearly and let people know what I need from them and my personal boundaries are.
One of my things is I absolutely hate noise. You would think that with a million kids and a lot of foot traffic around the house that I would be accustomed to it by now...but I hate it. Everyday I think that me getting upset about too much noise the day before would make people realize how much I hate it and they'd stop. I know that I am being unreasonable to expect a quiet, calm, home with even non-"hyper" children.
I am woken up multiple times every night by people walking around, cooking, talking, this is only increasing my irritability. I feel like I want to burst out of my body and just scream at everyone to shut the hell up, except I do that, and it still doesn't work.
I guess what I am saying is that I work my ass off to make sure that we have food, and the rent is paid, and my kids get the education that is rightfully theirs, and the millions of trips to doctors for help for them. I just want to feel like I have a purpose in life and that someone notices how hard I try to juggle everything. It really is just too much for me to be perfect at everything all at once. I guess I am the hardest on myself because i want everything to be perfect in every aspect of my life (who doesn't).
I get criticized by people that don't know my kids or the struggles I face every day, People who dropping $200 on a coat is no big thing, or having a car that runs and having the money to maintain it, or being able to keep their houses perfect and spotless. Every day I am glad I get through it. I ask for help from my mom on ocassion for babysitting or something similar, and the minute I do my mom makes a comment indicating because I am asking for her help that I am inferior as a mother.
I remember my whole life my mother was extremely critical of me. Every second of the day. I try to not fall into that trap. Although I do have my beliefs that children should not be so stuck on herself. My oldest daughter has been taught that if I can't drop everything to go bring her the homework she forgot that that really means I don't love her and I hope she doesn't succeed. She gives me an attitude if I don't have a $1.00 to put in a vending machine. Like, why don't you? I try to teach her that family is more important then things. She is such a beautiful, awesome kid that it really breaks my heart to see her turning into something I don't recognize. I try to tell her otherwise but then she's been so poisoned it is difficult. If someone can just spend all this money on her and I can't that means that I don't care about her. I get stuff from charities like food, and christmas presents, and she knows that, and she will ask "did you buy this or did you get it for free?" Because if I get it for free it is meaningless to her. Even though I went out of my way to find it for her or sign up for the programs it is not enough if I didn't personally spend the money on it.
This stuff is eating me alive. All I want is to be valued and appreciated and I am sorry if that sounds selfish but seriously what human being doesn't want that? No one is going to feel that way every day, especially not by children who don't understand that life is different for other kids.
Anyway, I needed to vent, because if I didn't this anger and resentment would've built up. whether I have a "right" to be angry or resentful or not these feelings are still here, and must be released.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
My Daughter's Progress
If you have been reading my blog you know that I have been frustrated with the schools lack of attention to my daughter's needs.
I have also requested her to be observed by one of the Community Service Agencies involved with my case during a spelling test. I find it amusing that following that request all of a sudden they have jumped on board with the multi-sensory instruction for my daughter! This week she has been able to spell about four of her ten words consistently for three days. For my daughter that is a huge achievement because she lacks the ability to retain the words and to decode them using their sounds. Even if she is just memorizing the sequence (and not knowing the words because of how they sound), her being able to do that is still a step up from where she was last week.
The school has insulted me and made me feel inadequate and even wrote in my daughter's report card "I am afraid that she isn't getting enough attention at home". That was the reason that they chose to use to explain Piper's difficulty in reading. When it comes to being a good mom trust me I already am filled with self-doubt and constant fear that I am not good enough for my kids! I don't need someone else to tell me that to feel it. I felt like her teacher should come home and work with Piper for the excruciating hours of time it takes for her to get through her spelling words, only to have her not be able to remember them the next morning! Now that I have had an independent evaluator back me up on Piper's OBVIOUS phonological processing issues as well as attention issues the school has FINALLY begun to realize that her needs go much father then "lack of attention at home!" (Quite the opposite Piper receives the most attention due to her difficulties and no matter how much we worked it never felt like we were getting anywhere).
Anyway, the point to this story is to say that although Piper is still having difficulties with reading and spelling she has been able to memorize 4 out of her 10 spelling words and recite them to me without any help except for a little hint as to the sound the next letter might make (occasionally). This proves all along that the multi-sensory approach, as well as other services, are right for Piper.
As much as I try not to get angry at the teacher for the rude comments that she has made throughout the school year (basically saying Piper wasn't practicing enough, or paying enough attention, or blah blah blah ....), it is even more emotional now knowing that the whole time I was being blamed by them and blaming myself that it is obvious that this is no one's fault. It really is sad that I do not like my daughter's teacher and I am not seeming to be able to get over that at this moment, because me wanting to yell at her isn't in my daughter's best interests!
I have another I.E.P meeting coming up in March it is to amend her I.E.P to include educational goals as well as behavioral and emotional goals to the sad I.E.P they gave her previously. I had to fight just to get the I.E.P in the first place. My daughter is about a year behind academically then the rest of her class!
On the advice of another parent in a similar situation I am also getting an occupational therapy and functional behavioral assessment done and when the results of that are in we will see what her needs are and where she is at.
For right now the school finally giving her the services she needs it is helping a lot and they are actually doing it prior to the I.E.P meeting. However, I am a little suspicious that they started it now that I wanted her to be observed in the school setting. Oh well. My daughter deserves it and I am glad she is getting it now and that she will be after the I.E.P meeting.
I have also requested her to be observed by one of the Community Service Agencies involved with my case during a spelling test. I find it amusing that following that request all of a sudden they have jumped on board with the multi-sensory instruction for my daughter! This week she has been able to spell about four of her ten words consistently for three days. For my daughter that is a huge achievement because she lacks the ability to retain the words and to decode them using their sounds. Even if she is just memorizing the sequence (and not knowing the words because of how they sound), her being able to do that is still a step up from where she was last week.
The school has insulted me and made me feel inadequate and even wrote in my daughter's report card "I am afraid that she isn't getting enough attention at home". That was the reason that they chose to use to explain Piper's difficulty in reading. When it comes to being a good mom trust me I already am filled with self-doubt and constant fear that I am not good enough for my kids! I don't need someone else to tell me that to feel it. I felt like her teacher should come home and work with Piper for the excruciating hours of time it takes for her to get through her spelling words, only to have her not be able to remember them the next morning! Now that I have had an independent evaluator back me up on Piper's OBVIOUS phonological processing issues as well as attention issues the school has FINALLY begun to realize that her needs go much father then "lack of attention at home!" (Quite the opposite Piper receives the most attention due to her difficulties and no matter how much we worked it never felt like we were getting anywhere).
Anyway, the point to this story is to say that although Piper is still having difficulties with reading and spelling she has been able to memorize 4 out of her 10 spelling words and recite them to me without any help except for a little hint as to the sound the next letter might make (occasionally). This proves all along that the multi-sensory approach, as well as other services, are right for Piper.
As much as I try not to get angry at the teacher for the rude comments that she has made throughout the school year (basically saying Piper wasn't practicing enough, or paying enough attention, or blah blah blah ....), it is even more emotional now knowing that the whole time I was being blamed by them and blaming myself that it is obvious that this is no one's fault. It really is sad that I do not like my daughter's teacher and I am not seeming to be able to get over that at this moment, because me wanting to yell at her isn't in my daughter's best interests!
I have another I.E.P meeting coming up in March it is to amend her I.E.P to include educational goals as well as behavioral and emotional goals to the sad I.E.P they gave her previously. I had to fight just to get the I.E.P in the first place. My daughter is about a year behind academically then the rest of her class!
On the advice of another parent in a similar situation I am also getting an occupational therapy and functional behavioral assessment done and when the results of that are in we will see what her needs are and where she is at.
For right now the school finally giving her the services she needs it is helping a lot and they are actually doing it prior to the I.E.P meeting. However, I am a little suspicious that they started it now that I wanted her to be observed in the school setting. Oh well. My daughter deserves it and I am glad she is getting it now and that she will be after the I.E.P meeting.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
ADHD a disorder or a personality
I sometimes just wonder if the school systems are really helping our children by giving them an education or if they are just alienating children from family values and teaching them that the only way to be smart is to learn to read, write, and do math at an average level.
Do we forget that it is our very differences that make a society function? Not everyone can write the descriptions we also need someone to photograph the pictures. Last year in my Practical Logic class I learned about the various types of intelligences. I have two daughters diagnosed with "mental" disorders. My ten year old is diagnosed ADHD, Depressive disorder, and Anxiety Disorder, My almost 7 year old is diagnosed with ADHD, Mood disorder, and "strong symptoms of a phonological reading disorder".
Here's a philosophical view on it: If Dyslexia affects about 10-20% of everyone (this is estimated because only about 5% of people are ever diagnosed with it). Wouldn't having Dyslexia put you in the "elite" section of everyone. Dyslexics OFTEN are highly intelligent when it comes to pictures, and "Spatial" intelligence. As for me, I am very very very NOT spatially intelligent.
People with ADHD don't focus for very long on anything that they don't find fascinating. How is that a bad thing? If it is mudane, boring, or just equally unsatisfying is it worth your time? ADHD people are often messy and unorganized (everyone in my family) yet when something is of utmost importance they are able to do it when necessary. I believe that ADHD represents people who are highly intelligent in very specific areas that they can do these tasks so easily that they simply don't NEED to focus on it unless they absolutely have to. This also represents a deficit in other areas where people without ADHD excel at.
People with ADHD work great in FAST-PACED jobs where their attention needs to vary from one thing to the next very quickly. They are able to work in these cases because the "CHALLENGE" to be able to do it is a worthy undertaking.
Of course this is all just theory on my part. I think that mental disorders are definitely present in people and similar "symptoms" do attach. However, I believe that they are merely genetic and personality differences that are handed down through families and genes.
Who knows...what do we really know anyway?
I think schools should be able to have a variety of different subjects starting at an early age that children can be tested and placed based on strengths and weaknesses (of course language and maths would be taught to all)
Do we forget that it is our very differences that make a society function? Not everyone can write the descriptions we also need someone to photograph the pictures. Last year in my Practical Logic class I learned about the various types of intelligences. I have two daughters diagnosed with "mental" disorders. My ten year old is diagnosed ADHD, Depressive disorder, and Anxiety Disorder, My almost 7 year old is diagnosed with ADHD, Mood disorder, and "strong symptoms of a phonological reading disorder".
Here's a philosophical view on it: If Dyslexia affects about 10-20% of everyone (this is estimated because only about 5% of people are ever diagnosed with it). Wouldn't having Dyslexia put you in the "elite" section of everyone. Dyslexics OFTEN are highly intelligent when it comes to pictures, and "Spatial" intelligence. As for me, I am very very very NOT spatially intelligent.
People with ADHD don't focus for very long on anything that they don't find fascinating. How is that a bad thing? If it is mudane, boring, or just equally unsatisfying is it worth your time? ADHD people are often messy and unorganized (everyone in my family) yet when something is of utmost importance they are able to do it when necessary. I believe that ADHD represents people who are highly intelligent in very specific areas that they can do these tasks so easily that they simply don't NEED to focus on it unless they absolutely have to. This also represents a deficit in other areas where people without ADHD excel at.
People with ADHD work great in FAST-PACED jobs where their attention needs to vary from one thing to the next very quickly. They are able to work in these cases because the "CHALLENGE" to be able to do it is a worthy undertaking.
Of course this is all just theory on my part. I think that mental disorders are definitely present in people and similar "symptoms" do attach. However, I believe that they are merely genetic and personality differences that are handed down through families and genes.
Who knows...what do we really know anyway?
I think schools should be able to have a variety of different subjects starting at an early age that children can be tested and placed based on strengths and weaknesses (of course language and maths would be taught to all)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
DYSLEXIA SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
The more I try to talk to people about Dyslexia the more I realize how misunderstood the disorder is. One of the first responses I get from people is I thought Dyslexics see everything backwards! I am going to explain to you MY BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF THE DISORDER AND SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF IT. Dyslexics have trouble breaking down words into individual sounds. When they learn to read they are reading based on the SHAPE of the word. Words are like pictures to them. Just like if we saw a picture of a puppy upside down, we would still know it was a puppy, Dyslexics can forget which way is up and write the word upside down or backwards. Not every Dyslexic writes their letters and numbers backwards. Although my daughter does. She frequently reverses letters, numbers, even entire words. The problem has nothing to do with intelligence it has to do with the fact that Dyslexics use their RIGHT SIDE OF THEIR BRAINS instead of their left. This makes them usually very highly intelligent when it comes to remembering pictures and faces and 3-dimensial objects. In order to learn to read they literally take a snapshot of each word as a whole and have to memorize it that way in order to read it. That is why someone who has Dyslexia will often confuse similarly shaped words like This and That. They see a BIG letter, a smaller letter, then two little letters.
My daughter will "Guess" what words are based on the story she is reading. She will read "is" as "we" and "that" as "the" she read "someone" as "us". They often say words that are not even close to the sound of the word because they are not sure how to break apart the letters to make the individual sounds. The word is a whole piece, not individual parts.
I stole the next part of this blog from the website. If you think that your child has any of these symptoms don't wait. If Dyslexia is undiagnosed by 4th grade it can learn to the child basically being stuck at a fourth grade reading level. Dyslexic kids can often "get by" or "fake it" because they can memorize a lot of words but by fourth grade so many more words are introduced that that is when they begin to become unable to keep up.
The Davis Dyslexia Correction® program helps people with these characteristics every day. The
disabling aspects of Dyslexia are correctable and can be overcome.
Cite as:
Davis, R.D. (1992). 37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia. Retrieved January 10, 2012 from Davis Dyslexia Association International, Dyslexia the Gift Web site: http://www.dyslexia.com/library/symptoms.htm
Read more: http://www.dyslexia.com/library/symptoms.htm#ixzz1j4sadFad
My daughter will "Guess" what words are based on the story she is reading. She will read "is" as "we" and "that" as "the" she read "someone" as "us". They often say words that are not even close to the sound of the word because they are not sure how to break apart the letters to make the individual sounds. The word is a whole piece, not individual parts.
I stole the next part of this blog from the website. If you think that your child has any of these symptoms don't wait. If Dyslexia is undiagnosed by 4th grade it can learn to the child basically being stuck at a fourth grade reading level. Dyslexic kids can often "get by" or "fake it" because they can memorize a lot of words but by fourth grade so many more words are introduced that that is when they begin to become unable to keep up.
37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia
Afrikaans.
Français.
Greek.
Español.
Svenska.© 1992 by Ronald D. Davis.
Most dyslexics will exhibit about 10 of the following traits and behaviors. These characteristics can vary from day-to-day or minute-to-minute. The most consistent thing about dyslexics is their inconsistency.General
Vision, Reading, and Spelling
Hearing and Speech
Writing and Motor Skills
|
Math and Time Management
Memory and Cognition
Behavior, Health, Development and Personality
|
Cite as:
Davis, R.D. (1992). 37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia. Retrieved January 10, 2012 from Davis Dyslexia Association International, Dyslexia the Gift Web site: http://www.dyslexia.com/library/symptoms.htm
Davis Dyslexia Association International
Books & Materials: 1‑888‑999‑3324 [1‑888‑999‑DDAI]
Workshops & Licensing: 1‑888‑805‑7216
Fax: 1‑650‑692‑7075 • Local Phone: 1‑650‑692‑7141
Books & Materials: 1‑888‑999‑3324 [1‑888‑999‑DDAI]
Workshops & Licensing: 1‑888‑805‑7216
Fax: 1‑650‑692‑7075 • Local Phone: 1‑650‑692‑7141
Read more: http://www.dyslexia.com/library/symptoms.htm#ixzz1j4sadFad
Sunday, January 8, 2012
1000 Reasons Why I hate you.
I hate you because you don't recognize anything that I have to do everyday. I hate how no matter how many times I ask you to do something you can't. I hate the way we fight every day about smoking cigarettes in the house and every day you say you wont anymore yet every day within ten minutes you do it again. I hate the way I have to take all the blame for the house being messy when in fact I have already cleaned it 5 times and you just come along and mess it up again. I hate when I cook and you make faces at my cooking even though the week before you said you loved what i am making and it is the reason I am making it again. I hate that you can't shut doors, shut drawers, put the covers back on things, I hate the way you talk around our kids. I hate the way you make me out to be a bitch when if you would help me I wouldn't have to be that way. I hate the way that you walk by the living room and have comments to say about what kind of parent I am in the 5 minutes you are walking by yet you are in your room all day and all night long. I hate how you give the kids cookies and snacks all day long because you want them to be "happy" you yell at me because I am trying to teach them to play with one toy at a time. You treat my attempts to better myself as an inconveince to you. You are unable to commit to any decision you make I don't remember one single promise you've kept. You don't listen to me when i say we are just roommates, not partners. You insult me for fighting with the school to more services for our daughter because you would rather her fail then be labled "special needs". You constantly throw the fact you "work outside the house" in my face. Like me going to college, having my own business, and taking care of my kids isn't enough on my plate. I also have cleaning up after 3- 4 kids, three grownups, and cleaning up after myself. Even when you actually will help by cooking you make a mess that is three times as time consuming to clean as if I had just cooked it myself. You refuse to go shopping, you refuse to put gas in the car unless you absolutely have to, you even refuse to go to your own friends houses. You bitch because no one does your laundry because I have to pick and choose what gets done each day. I am sick of food I buy for meals and school snacks disappearing all over the place. I am sick of you blaming our six year old for you breaking my computer (which had my school work, and business work on it).
I hate the way you talk to my other daughter as if you know what it is like to be a full time, single parent. Something you have never done. I don't fake my past, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't try and hide any flaw that I have. As of today, I am not hiding yours either. I shouldn't feel like a failure everyday because I can clean, cook, do laundry, go to school, go to appointments, handle money, and 7000 thousand other things by myself. Having 3 other adults in the house is more work not less. Think of how much less laundry they'd be for myself and my kids! How much less expenses. Having you in the house costs MORE then is worth it.
I hate you and I want you out of my life.
I hate the way you talk to my other daughter as if you know what it is like to be a full time, single parent. Something you have never done. I don't fake my past, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't try and hide any flaw that I have. As of today, I am not hiding yours either. I shouldn't feel like a failure everyday because I can clean, cook, do laundry, go to school, go to appointments, handle money, and 7000 thousand other things by myself. Having 3 other adults in the house is more work not less. Think of how much less laundry they'd be for myself and my kids! How much less expenses. Having you in the house costs MORE then is worth it.
I hate you and I want you out of my life.
Friday, January 6, 2012
The tedious I.E.P process at public schools for Dyslexic children
My daughter is a first grader and has been diagnosed with ADHD, Mood Disorder NOS, and has also been screened for Dyslexia and due to her still young age the evaluation came back "Looks like dyslexia, but can't say definitely until we evaluate her again in 12 months."
I spend time with her every day going over a list of ten spelling words. I quiz her in the mornings, afternoons, and play games with her and have her spell the words with blocks, stickers, and then write them. Sometimes she recalls them for a short time and sometimes she can recall them for a little while. She constantly says that bs are ds and even confuses hs and ps!
I have repeatedly requested that she receive shortened lists of spelling words and have been met with the same response. "She needs more practice," "she isn't paying enough attention," "she needs more attention" and so many more along those lines.
If you have ever tried practicing spelling words with a dyslexic child with ADHD then you are well aware of the time involved just to get through each individual word. This week I told the teacher, "I am only going to study the first five words with her, If she can get through the first five, then I will go on to the next five". With constant repetition she sometimes can recognize words by sight for a little while. It takes hours worth of time to get her to write and spell the words with blocks and stickers and then by hand.
This morning I quizzed on her on only 4 of the 5 that I originally chose to work with her on. She recognized one word (use) by sight and then said "huge" spelled "big." She was able to sound out the word "rule" and the other word was tube. The word "tube" she also read by sight. The fifth word was June but we didn't get to that word this morning.
When I covered the words and asked her to spell them from memory she was able to spell "Use", she spelled "tube" toob, and couldn't spell "huge" or "rule" without having to look, read the letters out, and then immediately recite it once I covered it. Within 5 minutes I asked her again and she was unable to remember without cueing and prodding and help with the sounds the letters make.
This is all despite hours of one on one time with just me and Piper and she still is having extremely difficulty memorizing sequences of letters in words, sounding out words, and still having problems with individual letter sounds in general!
Yet, when she brings home her spelling tests she is always getting them right (with a few reversals in letters and maybe one or two words marked wrong). I am hating to be critical of my own daughter but I know first hand that she is seriously incapable of passing spelling tests without being reminded or cued with sounds of letters or other hints. The school insists that she is capable but I am doing it with her at home.
I have asked for her I.E.P to include shortened spelling word lists, and homework just to be able to focus more and have it be less overwhelming for her. I would like to watch her take one of these spelling words! I just can't believe that a public school system would be so resistant to understanding Dyslexia (or just any reading disability).
Dyslexics struggle to decode words by sounds and they learn the words through a different method. They learn shapes of words and rely on context clues, pictures, and other ways to remember each word. This is why Dyslexics can "fake it" up to 4th or 5th grade. By 4th or 5th grade there are so many more words introduced to their vocabularies that learning the shapes is ineffective because so many words can have similar shapes.
The school is making my daughter seem to be at a higher level of spelling then she is in order to continue to deny her an appropriate I.E.P. I do ask for this outside the I.E.P so I understand until the I.E.P is amended they don't have to follow any of my suggestions.
So now I am asking for the school to let me observe her taking a spelling test!
Has this school ever actually dealt with learning disabilities before? SERIOUSLY. If anyone has had to really advocate for their child I would love to hear war stories!
I spend time with her every day going over a list of ten spelling words. I quiz her in the mornings, afternoons, and play games with her and have her spell the words with blocks, stickers, and then write them. Sometimes she recalls them for a short time and sometimes she can recall them for a little while. She constantly says that bs are ds and even confuses hs and ps!
I have repeatedly requested that she receive shortened lists of spelling words and have been met with the same response. "She needs more practice," "she isn't paying enough attention," "she needs more attention" and so many more along those lines.
If you have ever tried practicing spelling words with a dyslexic child with ADHD then you are well aware of the time involved just to get through each individual word. This week I told the teacher, "I am only going to study the first five words with her, If she can get through the first five, then I will go on to the next five". With constant repetition she sometimes can recognize words by sight for a little while. It takes hours worth of time to get her to write and spell the words with blocks and stickers and then by hand.
This morning I quizzed on her on only 4 of the 5 that I originally chose to work with her on. She recognized one word (use) by sight and then said "huge" spelled "big." She was able to sound out the word "rule" and the other word was tube. The word "tube" she also read by sight. The fifth word was June but we didn't get to that word this morning.
When I covered the words and asked her to spell them from memory she was able to spell "Use", she spelled "tube" toob, and couldn't spell "huge" or "rule" without having to look, read the letters out, and then immediately recite it once I covered it. Within 5 minutes I asked her again and she was unable to remember without cueing and prodding and help with the sounds the letters make.
This is all despite hours of one on one time with just me and Piper and she still is having extremely difficulty memorizing sequences of letters in words, sounding out words, and still having problems with individual letter sounds in general!
Yet, when she brings home her spelling tests she is always getting them right (with a few reversals in letters and maybe one or two words marked wrong). I am hating to be critical of my own daughter but I know first hand that she is seriously incapable of passing spelling tests without being reminded or cued with sounds of letters or other hints. The school insists that she is capable but I am doing it with her at home.
I have asked for her I.E.P to include shortened spelling word lists, and homework just to be able to focus more and have it be less overwhelming for her. I would like to watch her take one of these spelling words! I just can't believe that a public school system would be so resistant to understanding Dyslexia (or just any reading disability).
Dyslexics struggle to decode words by sounds and they learn the words through a different method. They learn shapes of words and rely on context clues, pictures, and other ways to remember each word. This is why Dyslexics can "fake it" up to 4th or 5th grade. By 4th or 5th grade there are so many more words introduced to their vocabularies that learning the shapes is ineffective because so many words can have similar shapes.
The school is making my daughter seem to be at a higher level of spelling then she is in order to continue to deny her an appropriate I.E.P. I do ask for this outside the I.E.P so I understand until the I.E.P is amended they don't have to follow any of my suggestions.
So now I am asking for the school to let me observe her taking a spelling test!
Has this school ever actually dealt with learning disabilities before? SERIOUSLY. If anyone has had to really advocate for their child I would love to hear war stories!
The "Bad" parent
A word of warning in this blog I am going to talk about all the negative sides to being a mother. Mothers see their children as little people that will be growing into adults and taking charge of their own lives. I want my daughters to be self sufficient, confident, and successful. There are many varying degrees of success but the bottom line is happiness.
People say motherhood is the most rewarding job there is. Well whoever said that should have daughters! (lol). I don't see this rewards. I have to be the one to enforce the rules, things like limited what junk they eat, making them put one toy back before taking out another, making sure they get to the doctor, that the bills are paid, that the car is running and has gas, I need to make sure the clothes are clean the dishes are washed the floors are vacuumed (which doesn't always happen.) I am a finance, house, and supply manager, an income generator, a cook, a maid, a drill Sergeant, a car manager, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a student, an alarm clock, a pep squad, a nurse, a mediator, I am also a taxi, a child advocate, a mentor, a teddy bear, I am the boss both gentle and firm. I am the one that ultimately is responsible to see that my children turn out to respect themselves and each other.
No mother enjoys saying no to her children. I think that every mother would rather always say yes. However, the consequences of eating too many snacks, or staying up as late as you want, or playing in the street far outweigh the cost of making your child unhappy when you say NO.
It is sad because as a mother your children don't say thank you for the money you earn to spend on them, they don't say thanks for paying the car payment instead of buying me that doll so you can get me to this game. Whenever my six year old doesn't want to eat what I've made for her she says "Mom, why can't you just buy something else?" My ten year old doesn't keep up with anything no matter where she gets it or who gives it to her. Kids don't know the value of turning off lights and reducing the amount of water you use. My daughter hates that I limit her minutes on her cell phone.
I wake up sad because I don't have the resources other mothers do. I want my children to always be happy. They hate that I am embarrassed to have other kids over because I hate the mess. I have an awesome friend Amy who helps me out a lot with the kids. She helps to save on electricity and keep up with the laundry and cleaning (and even with help it does not stay that way).
There's a saying that goes "A busy mom has slothful daughters" I happen to believe that. I want my kids to do chores and help around the house. I get crap for that from everywhere "Let them be kids". Kids used to be raised by COMMUNITIES. In this day and age more and more expectations are being put on the parent. You will bring them to school and do everything yourself etc. I am of course in support of an education but I am using that as an example. So many families rely on their children to help with the responsibilities. We are raising a generation of children who have a sense that doing chores is abusive! They feel entitled to everything. I am sorry but children are definitely deserving of love, and affection, and laughter. They are not entitled to leave the house without cleaning their mess! There is no possible way I can do this by myself. I am sad that in this country it is becoming harder and harder to raise children who actually respect their parents and not see that running a house is no different then running a business!
A goal of a business: Make more then you spend. A goal of a home: Make more then you spend and keep it clean organized and functional.
If I wanted to hire a manager to run my business I would hire a mother once her kids had grown. Balancing time, money, supplies, and going to school and trying to run my business (which is slowing down because i have no free time) is a difficult job with very little "Thank yous". I feel like the most under appreciated person in the world.
These negative things in regard to parenting are often hurtful and awful especially for someone as emotionally driven as I am. However, like the cliche. The reward in the end of seeing these beautiful children make it is worth every sacrifice there is.
In closing, Men, if a women is bitching at you, it means she is overwhelmed and wishes you would do more and the frustration has reached a new level. If you want to diffuse it hug your wife, say sorry, and immediately find something you can do to take anything off her plate:) You might even find yourself realizing that you are the one that will get the bigger benefit. Women just want to be loved, appreciated, and thanked.
People say motherhood is the most rewarding job there is. Well whoever said that should have daughters! (lol). I don't see this rewards. I have to be the one to enforce the rules, things like limited what junk they eat, making them put one toy back before taking out another, making sure they get to the doctor, that the bills are paid, that the car is running and has gas, I need to make sure the clothes are clean the dishes are washed the floors are vacuumed (which doesn't always happen.) I am a finance, house, and supply manager, an income generator, a cook, a maid, a drill Sergeant, a car manager, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a student, an alarm clock, a pep squad, a nurse, a mediator, I am also a taxi, a child advocate, a mentor, a teddy bear, I am the boss both gentle and firm. I am the one that ultimately is responsible to see that my children turn out to respect themselves and each other.
No mother enjoys saying no to her children. I think that every mother would rather always say yes. However, the consequences of eating too many snacks, or staying up as late as you want, or playing in the street far outweigh the cost of making your child unhappy when you say NO.
It is sad because as a mother your children don't say thank you for the money you earn to spend on them, they don't say thanks for paying the car payment instead of buying me that doll so you can get me to this game. Whenever my six year old doesn't want to eat what I've made for her she says "Mom, why can't you just buy something else?" My ten year old doesn't keep up with anything no matter where she gets it or who gives it to her. Kids don't know the value of turning off lights and reducing the amount of water you use. My daughter hates that I limit her minutes on her cell phone.
I wake up sad because I don't have the resources other mothers do. I want my children to always be happy. They hate that I am embarrassed to have other kids over because I hate the mess. I have an awesome friend Amy who helps me out a lot with the kids. She helps to save on electricity and keep up with the laundry and cleaning (and even with help it does not stay that way).
There's a saying that goes "A busy mom has slothful daughters" I happen to believe that. I want my kids to do chores and help around the house. I get crap for that from everywhere "Let them be kids". Kids used to be raised by COMMUNITIES. In this day and age more and more expectations are being put on the parent. You will bring them to school and do everything yourself etc. I am of course in support of an education but I am using that as an example. So many families rely on their children to help with the responsibilities. We are raising a generation of children who have a sense that doing chores is abusive! They feel entitled to everything. I am sorry but children are definitely deserving of love, and affection, and laughter. They are not entitled to leave the house without cleaning their mess! There is no possible way I can do this by myself. I am sad that in this country it is becoming harder and harder to raise children who actually respect their parents and not see that running a house is no different then running a business!
A goal of a business: Make more then you spend. A goal of a home: Make more then you spend and keep it clean organized and functional.
If I wanted to hire a manager to run my business I would hire a mother once her kids had grown. Balancing time, money, supplies, and going to school and trying to run my business (which is slowing down because i have no free time) is a difficult job with very little "Thank yous". I feel like the most under appreciated person in the world.
These negative things in regard to parenting are often hurtful and awful especially for someone as emotionally driven as I am. However, like the cliche. The reward in the end of seeing these beautiful children make it is worth every sacrifice there is.
In closing, Men, if a women is bitching at you, it means she is overwhelmed and wishes you would do more and the frustration has reached a new level. If you want to diffuse it hug your wife, say sorry, and immediately find something you can do to take anything off her plate:) You might even find yourself realizing that you are the one that will get the bigger benefit. Women just want to be loved, appreciated, and thanked.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Where'd I put my purse?
Some people call it lazy, some people call it daft, and still others call it ADHD. ADHD has many symptoms, they range from simple inattentiveness to outright climbing the walls hyperactivity. To me, ADHD describes my family. Each morning it is, where's your shoes, where's your coat, where's your hat? Is your homework in the bag? Usually there is something forgotten every morning. From cell phones, to keys, to purses, and wallets.
In my house it is a rarity that cabinet doors get closed when things are taken out of them. Even drawers are left completely open. It always feels as though a tornado has just came through. If one room gets cleaned it is destroyed in minutes. There is always stuff everywhere.
My oldest daughter has ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. She is all over the place attention wise. When she gets home from school her backpack explodes into the living room and within minutes something is missing from it! She puts down her phone and it's missing too. School work is a nightmare. She may complete assignments but then forget them, or forget she has assignments so they don't get done!
My other daughter, my almost 7 year old, also has ADHD, Mood Disorder NOS, and what the the neuro-psychological evaluator calls "Too early to say definitively but looks like she Dyslexia". This child definitely has the more hyper side of ADHD she literally runs around the house, jumps over the couch, runs down the street and sometimes you literally have to grab hold of her to prevent her from hurting herself!
I was just recently completely evaluated for ADHD and big surprise, I got the formal diagnosis of "Adult ADHD."
I have this personality where I talk about my life very truthfully. I will write about things that may embarrass other people. My house is extremely difficult to keep clean. It is cluttered, it is messy, and I don't get all the dishes done every night. I am not a soccer mom and yes I even sometimes YELL at my children!! (GASP!)
I get a lot of negative feedback...okay lets call it SHIT....for saying what's on my mind. My philosophy is why live a lie? If people know the real me right off the bat, they get to judge right then and there if I am somebody they're going to like and that way I get the real them too.
I have met mothers that try to make their lives seem so perfect with their adorable, well-behaved little children, and their perfect identical haircuts. Well, I used to always be jealous of mothers with their minivans and their little tote bags and beach bags and their little plastic baggies of healthy snacks and drinks and toys. Over the years I have realized that EVERYONE has something that they feel insecure about, even soccer moms. There are always skeletons in closets. My view is if I share my skeletons maybe someone will trust me to share theirs then a REAL conversation can be had.
So anyway, Whether or not you believe that ADHD is a "real" disorder (I tend to view it as a personality type rather then a disorder) it definitely runs in my family haha! If you are afraid of loud noises, constant chatter, mess, clutter, and chronic disorganization, DON'T COME TO MY HOUSE!
:) I would love to hear comments!
In my house it is a rarity that cabinet doors get closed when things are taken out of them. Even drawers are left completely open. It always feels as though a tornado has just came through. If one room gets cleaned it is destroyed in minutes. There is always stuff everywhere.
My oldest daughter has ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. She is all over the place attention wise. When she gets home from school her backpack explodes into the living room and within minutes something is missing from it! She puts down her phone and it's missing too. School work is a nightmare. She may complete assignments but then forget them, or forget she has assignments so they don't get done!
My other daughter, my almost 7 year old, also has ADHD, Mood Disorder NOS, and what the the neuro-psychological evaluator calls "Too early to say definitively but looks like she Dyslexia". This child definitely has the more hyper side of ADHD she literally runs around the house, jumps over the couch, runs down the street and sometimes you literally have to grab hold of her to prevent her from hurting herself!
I was just recently completely evaluated for ADHD and big surprise, I got the formal diagnosis of "Adult ADHD."
I have this personality where I talk about my life very truthfully. I will write about things that may embarrass other people. My house is extremely difficult to keep clean. It is cluttered, it is messy, and I don't get all the dishes done every night. I am not a soccer mom and yes I even sometimes YELL at my children!! (GASP!)
I get a lot of negative feedback...okay lets call it SHIT....for saying what's on my mind. My philosophy is why live a lie? If people know the real me right off the bat, they get to judge right then and there if I am somebody they're going to like and that way I get the real them too.
I have met mothers that try to make their lives seem so perfect with their adorable, well-behaved little children, and their perfect identical haircuts. Well, I used to always be jealous of mothers with their minivans and their little tote bags and beach bags and their little plastic baggies of healthy snacks and drinks and toys. Over the years I have realized that EVERYONE has something that they feel insecure about, even soccer moms. There are always skeletons in closets. My view is if I share my skeletons maybe someone will trust me to share theirs then a REAL conversation can be had.
So anyway, Whether or not you believe that ADHD is a "real" disorder (I tend to view it as a personality type rather then a disorder) it definitely runs in my family haha! If you are afraid of loud noises, constant chatter, mess, clutter, and chronic disorganization, DON'T COME TO MY HOUSE!
:) I would love to hear comments!
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