Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Temporary Compromise on HW and Spelling and daughter's peculiar behaviors.

I have finally reached a sort of compromise with the school while we wait for the IEP meeting. My daughter will receive her spelling words and homework packet on Fridays and they will be due Friday. She also receives a list of shorter, kindergarten words. (So they can change the actual words to different ones but can't reduce them without a meeting.......lol).

Anyway I have finally just flat out told them if she can't do it she can't do it end of story. I have begun journaling her daily behaviors, I have made a sticker chart that has been working (although Piper can't read the chart so i am going to develop one made out of pictures for her ), and I have included another chart for amount of time spent on homework spelling words a day that I put right in her communication book.

I had made a communication book with emoticons where the teacher could simply check off Piper's mood as she completed the tasks each day and they said it was too complicated. Which I find amusing because all they do not is check mark whether or not she did the task. Anyway, so it is back to the drawing board on the communication book.

Another set back is Piper's recent unusual behavior which has included whispering to herself daily, especially at night, repeating her name over and over again, chewing on her sleeves (she's always done that but it seemed like it has stopped for a while), and licking EVERYTHING. She was even licking the windows of my dad's new car.

Because she gets her medication at night a little later now I think that might contribute to the behaviors from last night. She came out of the hallway of the boys and girls club going "Piper Piper Piper Piper Piper Piper" she had to touch everything, including glass picture frames that I had to stop her or they would have broken, and it was difficult to not only get her to get her coat, but to get it on her because she kept missing the sleeve and spinning around. Piper has always displayed these behaviors but not as often as this and the medication has kept them within reason. I am beginning to worry that the medication is making her worse (in the sense that if she were to stop taking it she would be WORSE, even though now it helps control her symptoms).

I really want to stop the medication and let it flush out of her system and then really get an idea of what she is really like without it because some of the stuff is getting weird. She even has talked to herself in the third person, but was serious. She had a temper tantrum when she asked for 3 hot dogs and I JOKINGLY told her she could only have a half of hot dog.

I really want to stop the medication before it does more damage and /or at the very least see what her behaviors are without it. The medication doesn't seem to be working as well anyway probably because she is growing and the dosage stays the same.

I wish I knew what to do..................If it weren't for the school i would wean her off the meds just to get an accurate picture of her without them before putting her back on them. She has been on medication since she was 4. (not my choice my parents did that when she lived with them ).

I could really use some advice right now. Is this behavior normal for a 7 year old? Maybe I am just paranoid...She definitely is Dyslexic, has ADHD, and has mood issues, she also went to an OT therapist and they said it seemed clear she does have sensory issues (and this is ON THE MEDS).

Friday, January 27, 2012

Dyslexia and Dyscalculia

My daughter's struggles with reading and writing are now overlapping with her math. She is able to do simple math by using her fingers or other objects to count on (obviously this is fine for kids that age). Her numbers are written backwards, transposed, and read from right to left.
With her letters, it is inconsistent with regard to writing the letters backwards or the words from right to left. With her numbers if they are two digits she always writes them from right to left. "18" she writes as "81". If she sees "18" she will read "81". If it were once in a while I would not be that concerned. It is basically always. If she is given a multiple choice question with the right number on a list and she writes the number by copying it, then she will write it correctly.
When she was evaluated for Dyslexia she was also evaluated for overall intelligence. It was a neuropsychological evaluation that included Dyslexia. These tests also showed weaknesses in math. I have been focusing so much on the reading and spelling that I didn't really pay much attention to this area.
This poor little girl is having such a hard time and is at a early kindergarten level in everything. Although, socially, she is seeming to develop some social skills and interact with kids her age more then before.
With all the different overlapping diagnoses such as autism, ADHD, mood disorders, sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, (and now the thought of Dyscalculia, which is the Dyslexic equivalent to math.... etc etc I wish that I could really know for sure what is going on here.
All I know is that she is a really sweet little girl and every day is really opening up with talking and expressing herself. She still has her outbursts, and tantrums, and is very difficult to get her to follow instructions, but she really is an awesome kid.

Her big sister scored the opposite on all her testing. She scored very high in the superior range on mostly everything or high average. Although attention was seriously lacking. If she had been able to maintain attention she probably could have scored higher. Maybe she will help with my other daughter:)

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Difficulty Managing Emotions

I think that everyone has certain expectations of the people around them that aren't always met. For me it is the expectation that people will notice that I am tired, frustrated, or hurting. The fact that they don't notice makes me feel even more tired, frustrated, and hurt.
I am currently in a place where it is hard not to think that that person is doing that delibratley to hurt me and make my life more miserable. I feel like I express myself clearly and let people know what I need from them and my personal boundaries are.
One of my things is I absolutely hate noise. You would think that with a million kids and a lot of foot traffic around the house that I would be accustomed to it by now...but I hate it. Everyday I think that me getting upset about too much noise the day before would make people realize how much I hate it and they'd stop. I know that I am being unreasonable to expect a quiet, calm, home with even non-"hyper" children.
I am woken up multiple times every night by people walking around, cooking, talking, this is only increasing my irritability. I feel like I want to burst out of my body and just scream at everyone to shut the hell up, except I do that, and it still doesn't work.
I guess what I am saying is that I work my ass off to make sure that we have food, and the rent is paid, and my kids get the education that is rightfully theirs, and the millions of trips to doctors for help for them. I just want to feel like I have a purpose in life and that someone notices how hard I try to juggle everything. It really is just too much for me to be perfect at everything all at once. I guess I am the hardest on myself because i want everything to be perfect in every aspect of my life (who doesn't).
I get criticized by people that don't know my kids or the struggles I face every day, People who dropping $200 on a coat is no big thing, or having a car that runs and having the money to maintain it, or being able to keep their houses perfect and spotless. Every day I am glad I get through it. I ask for help from my mom on ocassion for babysitting or something similar, and the minute I do my mom makes a comment indicating because I am asking for her help that I am inferior as a mother.
I remember my whole life my mother was extremely critical of me. Every second of the day. I try to not fall into that trap. Although I do have my beliefs that children should not be so stuck on herself. My oldest daughter has been taught that if I can't drop everything to go bring her the homework she forgot that that really means I don't love her and I hope she doesn't succeed. She gives me an attitude if I don't have a $1.00 to put in a vending machine. Like, why don't you? I try to teach her that family is more important then things. She is such a beautiful, awesome kid that it really breaks my heart to see her turning into something I don't recognize. I try to tell her otherwise but then she's been so poisoned it is difficult. If someone can just spend all this money on her and I can't that means that I don't care about her. I get stuff from charities like food, and christmas presents, and she knows that, and she will ask "did you buy this or did you get it for free?" Because if I get it for free it is meaningless to her. Even though I went out of my way to find it for her or sign up for the programs it is not enough if I didn't personally spend the money on it.
This stuff is eating me alive. All I want is to be valued and appreciated and I am sorry if that sounds selfish but seriously what human being doesn't want that? No one is going to feel that way every day, especially not by children who don't understand that life is different for other kids.
Anyway, I needed to vent, because if I didn't this anger and resentment would've built up. whether I have a "right" to be angry or resentful or not these feelings are still here, and must be released.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

My Daughter's Progress

If you have been reading my blog you know that I have been frustrated with the schools lack of attention to my daughter's needs.
I have also requested her to be observed by one of the Community Service Agencies involved with my case during a spelling test. I find it amusing that following that request all of a sudden they have jumped on board with the multi-sensory instruction for my daughter! This week she has been able to spell about four of her ten words consistently for three days. For my daughter that is a huge achievement because she lacks the ability to retain the words and to decode them using their sounds. Even if she is just memorizing the sequence (and not knowing the words because of how they sound), her being able to do that is still a step up from where she was last week.
The school has insulted me and made me feel inadequate and even wrote in my daughter's report card "I am afraid that she isn't getting enough attention at home". That was the reason that they chose to use to explain Piper's difficulty in reading. When it comes to being a good mom trust me I already am filled with self-doubt and constant fear that I am not good enough for my kids! I don't need someone else to tell me that to feel it. I felt like her teacher should come home and work with Piper for the excruciating hours of time it takes for her to get through her spelling words, only to have her not be able to remember them the next morning! Now that I have had an independent evaluator back me up on Piper's OBVIOUS phonological processing issues as well as attention issues the school has FINALLY begun to realize that her needs go much father then "lack of attention at home!" (Quite the opposite Piper receives the most attention due to her difficulties and no matter how much we worked it never felt like we were getting anywhere).
Anyway, the point to this story is to say that although Piper is still having difficulties with reading and spelling she has been able to memorize 4 out of her 10 spelling words and recite them to me without any help except for a little hint as to the sound the next letter might make (occasionally). This proves all along that the multi-sensory approach, as well as other services, are right for Piper.
As much as I try not to get angry at the teacher for the rude comments that she has made throughout the school year (basically saying Piper wasn't practicing enough, or paying enough attention, or blah blah blah ....), it is even more emotional now knowing that the whole time I was being blamed by them and blaming myself that it is obvious that this is no one's fault. It really is sad that I do not like my daughter's teacher and I am not seeming to be able to get over that at this moment, because me wanting to yell at her isn't in my daughter's best interests!
I have another I.E.P meeting coming up in March it is to amend her I.E.P to include educational goals as well as behavioral and emotional goals to the sad I.E.P they gave her previously. I had to fight just to get the I.E.P in the first place. My daughter is about a year behind academically then the rest of her class!
On the advice of another parent in a similar situation I am also getting an occupational therapy and functional behavioral assessment done and when the results of that are in we will see what her needs are and where she is at.

For right now the school finally giving her the services she needs it is helping a lot and they are actually doing it prior to the I.E.P meeting. However, I am a little suspicious that they started it now that I wanted her to be observed in the school setting. Oh well. My daughter deserves it and I am glad she is getting it now and that she will be after the I.E.P meeting.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

ADHD a disorder or a personality

I sometimes just wonder if the school systems are really helping our children by giving them an education or if they are just alienating children from family values and teaching them that the only way to be smart is to learn to read, write, and do math at an average level.
Do we forget that it is our very differences that make a society function? Not everyone can write the descriptions we also need someone to photograph the pictures. Last year in my Practical Logic class I learned about the various types of intelligences. I have two daughters diagnosed with "mental" disorders. My ten year old is diagnosed ADHD, Depressive disorder, and Anxiety Disorder, My almost 7 year old is diagnosed with ADHD, Mood disorder, and "strong symptoms of a phonological reading disorder".
Here's a philosophical view on it: If Dyslexia affects about 10-20% of everyone (this is estimated because only about 5% of people are ever diagnosed with it). Wouldn't having Dyslexia put you in the "elite" section of everyone. Dyslexics OFTEN are highly intelligent when it comes to pictures, and "Spatial" intelligence. As for me, I am very very very NOT spatially intelligent.
People with ADHD don't focus for very long on anything that they don't find fascinating. How is that a bad thing? If it is mudane, boring, or just equally unsatisfying is it worth your time? ADHD people are often messy and unorganized (everyone in my family) yet when something is of utmost importance they are able to do it when necessary. I believe that ADHD represents people who are highly intelligent in very specific areas that they can do these tasks so easily that they simply don't NEED to focus on it unless they absolutely have to. This also represents a deficit in other areas where people without ADHD excel at.
People with ADHD work great in FAST-PACED jobs where their attention needs to vary from one thing to the next very quickly. They are able to work in these cases because the "CHALLENGE" to be able to do it is a worthy undertaking.
Of course this is all just theory on my part. I think that mental disorders are definitely present in people and similar "symptoms" do attach. However, I believe that they are merely genetic and personality differences that are handed down through families and genes.
Who knows...what do we really know anyway?
I think schools should be able to have a variety of different subjects starting at an early age that children can be tested and placed based on strengths and weaknesses (of course language and maths would be taught to all)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

DYSLEXIA SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

The more I try to talk to people about Dyslexia the more I realize how misunderstood the disorder is. One of the first responses I get from people is I thought Dyslexics see everything backwards! I am going to explain to you MY BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF THE DISORDER AND SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF IT. Dyslexics have trouble breaking down words into individual sounds. When they learn to read they are reading based on the SHAPE of the word. Words are like pictures to them. Just like if we saw a picture of a puppy upside down, we would still know it was a puppy, Dyslexics can forget which way is up and write the word upside down or backwards. Not every Dyslexic writes their letters and numbers backwards. Although my daughter does. She frequently reverses letters, numbers, even entire words. The problem has nothing to do with intelligence it has to do with the fact that Dyslexics use their RIGHT SIDE OF THEIR BRAINS instead of their left. This makes them usually very highly intelligent when it comes to remembering pictures and faces and 3-dimensial objects. In order to learn to read they literally take a snapshot of each word as a whole and have to memorize it that way in order to read it. That is why someone who has Dyslexia will often confuse similarly shaped words like This and That. They see a BIG letter, a smaller letter, then two little letters.

My daughter will "Guess" what words are based on the story she is reading. She will read "is" as "we" and "that" as "the" she read "someone" as "us". They often say words that are not even close to the sound of the word because they are not sure how to break apart the letters to make the individual sounds. The word is a whole piece, not individual parts.

I stole the next part of this blog from the website. If you think that your child has any of these symptoms don't wait. If Dyslexia is undiagnosed by 4th grade it can learn to the child basically being stuck at a fourth grade reading level. Dyslexic kids can often "get by" or "fake it" because they can memorize a lot of words but by fourth grade so many more words are introduced that that is when they begin to become unable to keep up.

37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia

Greek.

© 1992 by Ronald D. Davis.

Most dyslexics will exhibit about 10 of the following traits and behaviors. These characteristics can vary from day-to-day or minute-to-minute. The most consistent thing about dyslexics is their inconsistency.

General

Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.
Labelled lazy, dumb, careless, immature, "not trying hard enough," or "behavior problem."
Isn't "behind enough" or "bad enough" to be helped in the school setting.
High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written.
Feels dumb; has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies; easily frustrated and emotional about school reading or testing.
Talented in art, drama, music, sports, mechanics, story-telling, sales, business, designing, building, or engineering.
Seems to "Zone out" or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.
Difficulty sustaining attention; seems "hyper" or "daydreamer."
Learns best through hands-on experience, demonstrations, experimentation, observation, and visual aids.

Vision, Reading, and Spelling

Complains of dizziness, headaches or stomach aches while reading.
Confused by letters, numbers, words, sequences, or verbal explanations.
Reading or writing shows repetitions, additions, transpositions, omissions, substitutions, and reversals in letters, numbers and/or words.
Complains of feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading, writing, or copying.
Seems to have difficulty with vision, yet eye exams don't reveal a problem.
Extremely keen sighted and observant, or lacks depth perception and peripheral vision.
Reads and rereads with little comprehension.
Spells phonetically and inconsistently.

Hearing and Speech

Has extended hearing; hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.
Difficulty putting thoughts into words; speaks in halting phrases; leaves sentences incomplete; stutters under stress; mispronounces long words, or transposes phrases, words, and syllables when speaking.

Writing and Motor Skills

Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.
Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.
Can be ambidextrous, and often confuses left/right, over/under.

Dyslexic children and adults can become avid and enthusiastic readers when given learning tools that fit their creative learning style.

Math and Time Management

Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time.
Computing math shows dependence on finger counting and other tricks; knows answers, but can't do it on paper.
Can count, but has difficulty counting objects and dealing with money.
Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems; cannot grasp algebra or higher math.

Memory and Cognition

Excellent long-term memory for experiences, locations, and faces.
Poor memory for sequences, facts and information that has not been experienced.
Thinks primarily with images and feeling, not sounds or words (little internal dialogue).

Behavior, Health, Development and Personality

Extremely disorderly or compulsively orderly.
Can be class clown, trouble-maker, or too quiet.
Had unusually early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, tying shoes).
Prone to ear infections; sensitive to foods, additives, and chemical products.
Can be an extra deep or light sleeper; bedwetting beyond appropriate age.
Unusually high or low tolerance for pain.
Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.
Mistakes and symptoms increase dramatically with confusion, time pressure, emotional stress, or poor health.

More Information:

The Davis Dyslexia Correction® program helps people with these characteristics every day. The disabling aspects of Dyslexia are correctable and can be overcome.
Cite as:
Davis, R.D. (1992). 37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia. Retrieved January 10, 2012 from Davis Dyslexia Association International, Dyslexia the Gift Web site: http://www.dyslexia.com/library/symptoms.htm

Customize Site

Subscribe to DDAI E-Mail News:

Learn More

The Everything Parent's Guide to Children with Dyslexia

Learn More

Learn More

Davis Dyslexia Association International
Books & Materials: 1‑888‑999‑3324 [1‑888‑999‑DDAI]
Workshops & Licensing: 1‑888‑805‑7216
Fax: 1‑650‑692‑7075 • Local Phone: 1‑650‑692‑7141

Sunday, January 8, 2012

1000 Reasons Why I hate you.

I hate you because you don't recognize anything that I have to do everyday. I hate how no matter how many times I ask you to do something you can't. I hate the way we fight every day about smoking cigarettes in the house and every day you say you wont anymore yet every day within ten minutes you do it again. I hate the way I have to take all the blame for the house being messy when in fact I have already cleaned it 5 times and you just come along and mess it up again. I hate when I cook and you make faces at my cooking even though the week before you said you loved what i am making and it is the reason I am making it again. I hate that you can't shut doors, shut drawers, put the covers back on things, I hate the way you talk around our kids. I hate the way you make me out to be a bitch when if you would help me I wouldn't have to be that way. I hate the way that you walk by the living room and have comments to say about what kind of parent I am in the 5 minutes you are walking by yet you are in your room all day and all night long. I hate how you give the kids cookies and snacks all day long because you want them to be "happy" you yell at me because I am trying to teach them to play with one toy at a time. You treat my attempts to better myself as an inconveince to you. You are unable to commit to any decision you make I don't remember one single promise you've kept. You don't listen to me when i say we are just roommates, not partners. You insult me for fighting with the school to more services for our daughter because you would rather her fail then be labled "special needs". You constantly throw the fact you "work outside the house" in my face. Like me going to college, having my own business, and taking care of my kids isn't enough on my plate. I also have cleaning up after 3- 4 kids, three grownups, and cleaning up after myself. Even when you actually will help by cooking you make a mess that is three times as time consuming to clean as if I had just cooked it myself. You refuse to go shopping, you refuse to put gas in the car unless you absolutely have to, you even refuse to go to your own friends houses. You bitch because no one does your laundry because I have to pick and choose what gets done each day. I am sick of food I buy for meals and school snacks disappearing all over the place. I am sick of you blaming our six year old for you breaking my computer (which had my school work, and business work on it).
I hate the way you talk to my other daughter as if you know what it is like to be a full time, single parent. Something you have never done. I don't fake my past, I don't deny my weaknesses, I don't try and hide any flaw that I have. As of today, I am not hiding yours either. I shouldn't feel like a failure everyday because I can clean, cook, do laundry, go to school, go to appointments, handle money, and 7000 thousand other things by myself. Having 3 other adults in the house is more work not less. Think of how much less laundry they'd be for myself and my kids! How much less expenses. Having you in the house costs MORE then is worth it.
I hate you and I want you out of my life.